I’m choosing to celebrate ‘Blue Monday’, by releasing three things:
The colour blue from it’s stigma as a drain.
Monday, as the toilet that flushes us down.
January as a sewer like month to be endured.
Welcome to my box of emotional crayons, pilgrim. All colours are welcome here. And as an ‘emotional tax’ dodging crayon, I propose a revolution. How about we stop demonising our pal Blue and depression and all things that represent a kind of doom sold to us as fate.
I am celebrating Blue Monday by not believing the way I am told I and ‘the world’ will feel on this day. I’m not buying into it.
The emperor is naked. This crowd is deluded and I. Am. Outta here.
On this day, I will be celebrating not having ‘failed’ anything and specifically because I didn’t set myself up that way this time. I got a head start on this Gregorian new year by beginning my preparations for reentry in the Celtic new year of Samhain.
For 6 weeks, I facilitated my own personal retreat, during which I reflected on the year that’s been, inquiring into it, what needed to and came to be known.
What I learned.
What I served.
What served me.
And what didn’t.
So thanks for the heads up but I’m doing just fine over here with all my emotions. ALL - OF - THEM. My biggest learnings in 2018 were about the nature of truth, kindness, anger and fear.
I’ve been using these words all my life, thinking I knew what I was referring to, only to find out I was mistaken and that the correct words for these behaviours were actually ‘ideology’, ‘enabling’ and ‘control’.
I learned to recognise and locate my truth and how to separate it from the stories I tell myself about it.
I learned how those stories do not serve but instead hurt me and by extension, hurt others. I learned the ways in which I have been hurt and hateful and how important a value, kindness is to me.
I learned to my unraveling, that the truth is kind and that kindness is not niceness, nor is it enabling.
Kindness is a holding, a structure, an embrace. Kindness is a boundary; a corset for our jelly souls.
‘Blue Monday’ aka ‘the most depressing day of the year’ much like ‘Black Friday’, is an obnoxious stunt, designed to trigger in you, an argument with your reality so that they may sell you a ‘better’ reality. Because holidays and Play Stations are reality, right?
It’s just more bait to distract you from knowing your truth, to make you an exile to kindness, stuck in a shitty story about the ‘confines’ of your life.
Making ‘Blue’ a thing to be banished, is harmful and it is violent.
The way I protect my energy now is, to paraphrase the beloved Joni Mitchell, ‘if you don’t Crown and anchor me, you can sail away’.
How about we stop trying to ‘beat’ our feelings? Why is that even appropriate language? Imagine if it wasn’t colours or feelings we were talking about but more concrete, living things like donkeys or fish.
‘Hey, let’s beat all the dogs who aren’t in this moment, wagging their tails’
Said no marketing campaign, ever.
Do you love and accept your pet when he’s fearful? Are you tender with him? Then you know how to be loving and accepting and tender. Your body is an animal too and you owe it, the same attendance and regard.
Emotions are energy, just like we are energy and water is energy and it’s time we stopped pathologizing and trying to fix our emotional selves. You can not make energy ‘go away’, well that’s not true you can deplete energy, which is a form of abuse though, right?
Placing value judgements on our feelings is morality gone mad. Feeling shit about feeling shit, is just another form of energy tax. Let’s stop with the paying of emotional tax for feeling how we feel.
I want to share with you practice I’ve learned in my 4 Voices Coach training this past year. I’ve adapted it into a morning routine I call ‘Awareness and Grace’.